I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
