Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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