Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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