ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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