if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
