Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
