so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
