I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
