and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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