I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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