Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
