Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
