The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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