Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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