I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
try to milk me bitch
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
