I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize