I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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