I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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