If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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