I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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