I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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