1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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