too bad you live with your parents still
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
