My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
