Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
