you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
