we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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