I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
