Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
