ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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