i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
