I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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