the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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