Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im six kinds of drunk right now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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