just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
