I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
