can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize