Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
