i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
