Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
