I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize