peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
