Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
