So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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