Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
