I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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