I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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