I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vodka?
Forever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How does one acquire holy water?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
