He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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