fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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