I faked an abortion last night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
