so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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