the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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