There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
