everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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