my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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