God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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