i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
