my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
