Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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