Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
