the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
