i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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