My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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