Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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