Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
