if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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