I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
