There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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