based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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