break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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